Fear and Courage

Not sure if I can blog once a week and have it contain quality content.  Time will tell.  I do worry that some people will read my stuff and then get personal with name calling and the like.  Some out there will say that they ‘hate’ me or that I am an ‘idiot’.
Simply put, they will confuse what I write with who I am.  I will try to view these personal attacks for what they are: hate from people who themselves may be mentally ill or mean or both.  I am not perfect nor am I the negative radical labels that might be thrown my way.  Words like ‘loser’ and ‘idiot’ and ‘asshole’ don’t really help me to better myself through ‘constructive’ criticism from invisible people over the Internet.  Disagree with my ideas all you want but don’t presume to know me enough to attach a label to my character, and I will try to do the same, although I must admit, I have been known to name-call in my day.  I am trying to change that though.  Please help?
Once I sent off my first post/page onto my WordPress page there was no turning back.  It was out there.  And that was a little daunting.  For several reasons.  I have always wanted to be a writer but have not wanted to actually show others my work.  Mainly because there was not work to show. I talked about writing instead of writing.  Then along came the $%^& Internet with its ease of use.  My excuses went the way of the 8-track tape.  But what if what I write is shit?  The answer is…so what.  If it is then at least I will know that writing is one less thing for me to ponder as a possible career.  I will have tried and if I fail at least I won’t be haunted by the ‘what ifs’ that surface ’round midnight to whisper in my ear not-so-sweet phrases such as ‘you could have been a somebody’ or ‘you don’t write because you are a pathetic lozer who can’t even spell’ (hey, I failed to mention that like those mean Internet-based critics out there I also have one or more that resides inside my brain – and I suspect that you do too…groan).

But I have to try.  My sister and buddy said that writing is still a good way of trying to affect positive change in our society.  Really? I love reading but lately Youtube is my one and only form of entertainment.  Sad yes.  But I hope to change that with this blog and with my newly minted library card, and my visa card to purchace ebooks and books on Amazon and my visits to the local book stores… the plan is to up the level of readings I do per week. “I retired early but I didn’t want my brain to retire.” READ.

What I am trying to get at is that I am afraid of writing my thoughts and feelings down then sending them off for public consumption.  I am worried about the backlash when I take position that may be a 180 from that espoused by the 1%.  I know that the 1% play for keeps.  They play dirty and have no intention of giving up their power without a fight.  The Internet is a threat to their power and they know it.  As I write this the 1% are trying to find ways of shutting down net neutrality and replacing it with an Internet that appears neutral but is anything but.   Recently FCC Chairman Wheeler was presented with a petition of over a million signatures gathered in less than two weeks calling for net neutrality to remain.  Certain corporations in America have now and have had in the past made attempts to subvert the Internet and render it powerless by stripping it of its freedoms.  The 1% have no intention of the 99% getting online and organizing.  The trick that has kept the 1% in power for all these centuries is the fact that they could play us off of one another.  While we fight they sip champagne on their two-helicopter-padded yachts.

My fear included writing so well and so often and with such logic, with impeccable facts from relentless research, that I will become a nuisance to the 1%.  At that point I think that my name, picture, internet profile and usage data….will all become the purview of the 1%’s security wing.   But then I though, “hey they are collecting data on me already and I ain’t even caused any shit yet,” so there you go.  I have nothing to lose but my health and life. Besides I am sure that I am already on files somewhere for having marched in the Idle No More movement, among other protests.

Sure this may sound paranoid to some and in fact, based on research, the 1% loves to frame any dissent as opinions coming from an insane person. You can count on it.  So it my mental state which is far from ideal comes into question by invisible people online perhaps one or more of these character assassination assassins will be hired hacks of the 1%!  If this happens I know that I am making a positive impact on society.  Some people get Academy Awards; I get pushback from 1%’s henchmen.  Both are awards.

So, despite my promise to myself not to start a sentence with ‘so’ , I contemplate pressing Publish and having this piece (of what you can judge, but don’t judge me) enter the public domain. In actual fact, I would love to join the small but courageous group of people like Noam Chomsky and Naomi Campbell and others who despite push back and death threats and insults and general yeechiness keep thinking and writing and lecturing in order to bring a fair and balanced order to this world of ours, before they go.

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