Before I go…

I have been putting off writing for many decades now.  I used to think that I had to wait until I could write like Shakespeare or Hemingway or Green.  The list is a long one of authors that intimidate other would-be authors just by their sheer brilliance at putting letters to print in such a manner that Art is born, a creation that is beautiful.  But I realized that if I waited until I could write like Shakespeare I would be waiting forever.  “Oh what a quiet forest we would have if only the best bird sang,” Kodalay.  In this case it would be an empty book store or library if only the best author wrote. Besides, great art is part objective part subjective.  Once WordPress came on the scene I had finally run out of excuses not to write for the masses.  Never has it been simpler to write for public consumption.  I have always maintained that the word excuse broke down into: ex – no, and (c) use as in “no use.” That works for me.  I like playing with language.

Then I read a blog by someone who stated that once you write then publish your first piece of writing here on WordPress or elsewhere you get a feeling unlike any other that is unforgettable, and addictive in my case.  My father was a dentist who had always wanted to write a book entitled, “I Hate Getting Bit on a Monday.”  He never wrote that book.  Alzheimer’s got the better of him just as he was starting to take steps in order to be able to write i.e., turn a former bedroom into a den, get a nice desk, jot down ideas…. that kind of thing.  So I hope to write a few articles here on WordPress and elsewhere before Alzheimer’s or Cancer or something gets me and then its too late.  I want to do this because I really care about this planet and the people in it.  I can’t help it.  This my friends is a crazy ride, ‘an odd strange trip its been’, and I for one am glad that I had the opportunity to experience life on this planet.  I forget this in times of trouble which is often in my case.  I have never been blessed with confidence or high self-esteem so loving myself just may never happen.  I would like it to but I am not betting the grocery money on it.  But I can love life and others and nature and mystery. On Earth there is plenty of mystery.  I used to loathe mystery, wanting to figure everything out but no longer.  I embrace it and realize that a good mystery makes this universe all the more interesting.  When people tell me that they are bored I reply in my callous manner, “Impossible.  The Universe is infinite.  You cannot be bored when you are surrounded outside and internally with sooo much mystery and wonder. The problem is…you are boring. Not Life.”  Yes, I tend to lose friends with my big mouth but remember, friends has within it the word “ends” meaning that not all of them are supposed to last forever.  Given my abandonment issues and my needy nature I forget that sometimes.  But I’m learning!

I have become a philosopher.  I had no choice.  It happened over time because of trauma that I experienced over the years.  I won’t bore you with the details.  You no doubt have a sad story too.  Lately I have been thinking about Jesus Christ.  I am not sure if he is/was the son of God or not but I don’t doubt that he was a very cool dude.  He had lots of cool lessons to teach the rest of us.  In fact, I have used his teachings and philosophies to get through some motherf***ing difficult times in my life.  He dealt with a lot of crap too eh?  One of his teachings is that of suffering.  I don’t claim to be a scholar on the subject but the idea that suffering has dignity to it is rather a hard concept to grasp, especially when one is in the middle of said suffering!  It hurts.  But I am trying to learn that suffering and pain and anguish and melancholy and depression and panic and and and… are teachers teaching us important lessons.  They are not easy teachers and Life is not the ‘bird’ course some of us hoped it would be.  It is hard to doubt that these painful emotions, as fascist as they can often seem, teach us a great many things.  And when you compare these strong emotions to the alternative of having no emotions, or death, I am sure you would agree that we would opt for emotions. People without emotions are sociopaths or psychopaths and those concepts will be covered in another blog entry of mine.  Death is another state whereby we feel nothing? So as hard as strong emotions are to deal with they beat the alternative hands down.  Can you feel me?

So no, I don’t write like Shakespeare though I wish that I could.  I write about ideas and concepts and issues that matter to me in a style that is becoming my own.  I will never be fully happy or content with my writing style or its content but WordPress forces one to accept that perfection be it in writing or painting or music is not possible.  That we create with a deadline in mind.  The clock is ticking and we had better crank something out…before we go.

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